There is a certain quality of direction that comes from tragedy; it originates in a quiet manner from unchartered parts of the soul and eventually encapsulates your entire being. Its potency is not overbearing but its strength is undeniable. Like the love of a mother, it just is and cannot be dismissed or mistaken.
I gave my life to God some 7 years ago and have since been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I heard stories of people who had gone through unspeakable horrors and was amazed that they could still stand to speak of the goodness of God. There was a part of me that wanted to be one of those women but I remained afraid of the price to be paid.
Not too long ago, I became one of those women – and the fear is gone. I know now, that even more than a mother’s love, is the certainty of God’s love for me. It is just is. I have relied on my feelings for validation, but no longer. I may not have ‘felt’ loved but two things kept reverberating in my soul and spirit:
- God loves me
- God will never leave me alone.
I am now more aware than ever of the strength I carry and the fact that the calling I once felt upon my life still remains. Perhaps I veered off the path, searching for things in the wrong places but my Father has guided me by my hand and set me back on the right track. I still don’t know where this road will lead but I now understand that I no longer need to. He provides daily bread for a reason – to teach us to look beyond the gift to the giver.
And so I continue to lift up my eyes to the hills. Now more than ever I understand that is where my help comes from. I am not alone on this journey and of a truth it is well with my soul.