I’ve felt rather off kilter for the past couple of months, like I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. There were things I used to do before with joy that had become chores to me. Writing on this blog was one of them and for a brief moment, I considered letting it go so I could focus on meeting the basic requirements of my seemingly demanding life.
This feeling also manifested itself in my relationship with God; waking up in the morning to spend time with Him seemed stressful and sleep beckoned even more. And so, I found myself going from doing the barest minimum to doing almost nothing. Even in those times when I managed to get my behind out of bed, I was just going through the motions. My heart was not in it anymore. What worried me the most was the fact that I could not see how to get out of this interesting funk. I know who I am when I am away from God and it’s not pretty but that knowledge was not enough to inspire me to get back on track.
Now there might be some of you out there going through the same thing and I wish I could offer you a novel solution. But sometimes, the right thing to do is the right thing to do. I needed to start praying and reading my bible again. That’s it, plain and simple. But even more, I had to stop depending on myself for the strength to do what needed doing.
I started a new routine this past week; when my alarm goes off in the morning, I pray to God for the grace to do my T-25 (I also haven’t been doing my best where my weight is concerned). I get up and work out and whenever I feel the need to stop and get back in bed, I pray for the grace to finish. And so far, I’ve finished. Then I whip out my bible and journal, read and write down my thoughts, jist with Jesus and get ready for the day.
There were days when I was filled with the euphoria of a job well done and there were other days when I felt like rubbish but I’m grateful to God for the grace to get through each day. Don’t get me wrong, there might be days when I quit but I can’t worry about that today.
That’s what this life is about; living day by day, looking to God for grace in all things and not worrying about how things will get done. Matthew 6:25-34 has taken on a fresh meaning for me. I realize now that I got caught up trying to figure out how to juggle all the different elements of my life in my own strength. I forgot that I absolutely do not have to do that and that I am helped of God.
If there’s anyone out there who is going through the same thing, please understand that you are not alone. Be honest with God and tell Him how you feel. You’re tired of your current situation or you don’t want to do something that you know He wants you to do. Vent and cry out to Him. And then ask Him for the grace to do what you ought to do and take it one step at a time. It will most likely be difficult and uncomfortable at first and you might want to quit. But if you keep looking to God for grace, you’ll look up one day and be amazed at the progress you made. Not to worry dear friend, God is still in the business of miracles; even the seemingly ordinary ones.