Hello wonderful world,
Hope y’all are doing great, I’m not doing too bad myself. The past week has been pretty chilled; things at work are starting to pick up again as the holidays are over and I’m looking forward to going back home. The news in West Africa has been quite worrying with the Ebola breakout. So please be careful everyone; watch what you eat and where you go and carry your hand sanitizer with you. Better safe than sorry.
I’ve been struggling to figure out how to write today’s post. It’s been on my mind for a while and I’ve talked about it before in my previous posts. There’s an event called “The Convo” that I am privileged to be part sponsoring. I initially thought to tell you guys about it from a purely promotional angle: “Be there guys…it’s gonna be amazing….awesome this…fantastic that…blah blah” and there’s nothing wrong with that approach but it’s not consistent with who I am and what I do on this blog. So I’ll just tell you plain and simple how I used to carry a terrible dating philosophy and how exposing my mind to sound dating philosophy, consistent with Scripture, got me to where I am today. I’ll end with why I believe attending “The Convo” could help you with yours.
I remember when I was obsessed with romantic movies; I’ve watched the Notebook at least 70 times (and I’m not exaggerating). I was obsessed with falling in love and meeting a guy who would love me flaws and all. Now there’s nothing wrong with that at first glance but something about my whole approach was not working and I didn’t know why. I had heard things like “You have to be confident” and “Put yourself out there” and again there’s nothing wrong with that. But my mind was not right.
You see I was looking for a man to save me; to reassure me that I was beautiful enough for him and worthy of his love, to always be there for me when I’m down, to always tell me what I wanted to hear. Now if this is what you’re looking to get out of a relationship then I’m sorry, you are not ready to be in a good one. I’ll tell you why:
- No MAN can save you; JESUS already did that on the cross
- You cannot be a good mate for a man whose validation you seek (I’ll expand on this later)
- Sometimes what you want to hear is exactly opposite to what you need to hear.
The danger of my former dating philosophy was that I was opening myself up to attacks from wolves in sheep’s clothing. My former mindset meant that I was desperate to get into a relationship and guys can smell desperation a mile away. There were guys that I started talking to but I knew after a couple of interactions that they only wanted a quick lay and they figured I’d be easy because they thought I would do anything if they “validated” me by getting into a “relationship” with me. Quite frankly, it was only God’s grace (which I didn’t understand at the time) that kept me from being badly burnt.
Another problem was that not many good guys (and contrary to popular opinion, MANY of them exist) wants to be with the kind of girl that I was. They want women that know who they are and what they bring to the table. They want a woman that wants to be with them but doesn’t need to be. A woman who knows who she is is strong and can handle the truth; a needy desperate woman cannot handle the truth and will often tell a man what he wants to hear instead of what he needs to hear. Good men recognize the need for a strong partner who isn’t afraid to disagree with them and will still root for them.
The problem with seeking a man’s validation is that you’ll do just about anything to get it; even give pieces of yourself away. And often times, the kinds of men that ask for it are not good for you.
Now the next line of thought would be how I went from that girl to who I am today. Well I had to sit back and acknowledge that I was doing something wrong. Thankfully, it was during the period in my life when my relationship with God was developing so I started to investigate dating from His perspective. I read books on dating and womanhood by Michelle Hammond, Eric & Leslie Ludy and eventually Heather Lindsey. The thing I want you to note is that I sought knowledge on the matter.
When Tobi Atte approached me to sponsor The Convo, I checked him out as well as the videos of his events on Youtube and they not only resonated with me but I learned things that helped me at the time as I was still trying to decide whether to enter a relationship with my boyfriend. So when I recommend this event to you, it’s also because his words have (and continue to) bless me.
So that’s it people. The Convo is for mature people who realize that they don’t know it all where dating is concerned and are open to some real hard truths. I hope you guys make it and have attached the flyer below.
I have some free tickets that I will be giving away in the next posts. Y’all will have to answer some Grace’s Daughter trivia so y’all better go do some revision. See you soon.