My First Love.

Hello wonderful people,

I trust you’re all doing great…..I know, I know I’ve been away for a while. I’m sorry guys, plenty on my plate (as usual) but I’m here now and I’m going to share with you what God has been saying to me over the past couple of weeks.

Before I go on, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone that showed me love on my birthday. I turned the big 2-5 about two weeks ago and it was just awesome. Thanks for the messages, calls and gifts….you guys truly made my day.

Now onto the real stuff……a couple of weeks ago, Pastor Tony Rapu stopped by at The Waterbrook Church (my church) and shared a scripture that was specifically for me although I didn’t know it at the time. It’s from Revelation 2:2-5 and it goes like this:

I know you works, your labour, your patience and that you cannot bear those who are evil…..you have persevered and have patience and have labored for my name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless, I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you QUICKLY (emphasis added) and remove your lamp stand from its place – unless you repent.

At the service, I didn’t take much note of the verse but I found out a week later that it had stuck with me for some reason because I was about to read my bible and the verse just came to my head so flipped through my bible and read it again……it still didn’t hit me what God was trying to say to me.

So I came home one day after work and I had all this energy for some reason (which wasn’t normal) and something prodded me to pick up my journal and go through some of my old entries. I flipped immediately to one that I had written in July or August 2013. I had written how I was so busy with my life that my relationship with God and my family was starting to take a backseat. I ended that entry with (I kid you not) “it’s time to go back to my first love”. God had finally gotten my attention.

Until last week, I had been juggling work, choir and studying for CFA. It might not seem like much to many but it was seriously taking it’s toll on me. I was up 4am in the morning so I could be in the office for 6 and get some study time before I needed to face my job. I didn’t have time to spend with my parents during the week and my weekends were taken up with choir, church and studying while trying to catch up on some much needed rest.

My relationship with God was suffering as well; yes I was serving in church but I was too tired to even pray…..just a couple of mumbled sentences and I would go on with my day. I was running on empty and it was starting to show.

I’m so grateful that God got my attention. I’ve taken a few steps to remedy things and things are starting to get much better. I still get up at 4 during the week but I go to bed earlier on previous days and I don’t have to be up early during the weekends because I have taken time off from the choir. It was a very difficult decision for me to make because I felt like I was abandoning God’s work. But God pointed me to the story of Mary and Martha a couple of times. Jesus and His disciples came into the house of Mary and Martha and the bible says that Mary was “distracted with much serving” while Martha “sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.” You can find the story in Luke 10: 38-42. Martha chastised Mary to Jesus and probably expected to get some backing from Him but Jesus said that Mary had made the right choice.

I also had a choice to make; now please don’t get me wrong, it is possible to serve and sit at Jesus’ feet but there are also times and seasons in life. I know that for now, God wants me to focus on Him and on my upcoming exams and when this season is over, I can go back to serving Him in the choir. There are also other ways I can serve God right now. Writing on this blog to me is an act of service to God. Sharing Him with other people in the way I live my life is also an act of service to Him.

Now the bit about God removing my lamp stand scared me. If there’s one thing I’m scared of; it’s being in opposition with God. I know that the only reason why my life is the beautiful work of art that it is today is because of God and what He has done in and for me. I am his instrument of glory….full stop. But taking away that lamp stand to me meant taking away that glory. Men, I don’t want that glory going anywhere…..I like it just fine where it is, thank you very much. God won’t let me draw far away from Him and let His glory shine on me…..that would be a falsehood of sorts. I would be projecting externally something I wasn’t carrying internally.

So what am I saying today people? I don’t know where you are right now and I may not know what you’re going through but there’s one thing I know for sure; God is speaking loud and clear this season and He is calling us to QUICK obedience. If it’s time for you to draw away from some commitments and spend time at His feet then please do so. There may be many things calling for your attention right now, but nothing is more important than going back to your first love.

Love always,

Grace’s daughter