Hello wonderful people,
I hope this meets you well. I know I’ve been away for a while…..a lot has been going on over the past couple of weeks. I’m in the good old city of Shanghai, China right now…..I’m here for work but I’ve also been taking in the sights and scenery and I have to say that it’s quite a lovely place. I’m trying my best to make sure I don’t pack on the pounds…..so far, so good and fingers crossed, it’ll stay that way.
It feels really good to be back here blogging…..honestly. I’m wondering why it took me so long to find my way back but I’m here now so that’s something. A lot has been going on in my life and the one thing that God has been doing in me over the past couple of weeks is opening my heart up in a completely new way. I’ve spoken about being single a time or two in this blog but it’s always been from the perspective of someone who knew felt that relationships and marriage would happen sometime in the future, not in that current season. I feel like God is calling me to open myself up to the reality of relationships (with guys that is) and marriage.
This might seem weird but relationships with guys always seemed like something that was apart from me in the sense that I never really considered the practical realities of dating. It always seemed very vague because there was no specific structure to it and anyone who knows me knows that I struggle when I can’t find structure. The truth is that I always hoped that I would meet a guy and God would say to me……”Adaobi my wonderful daughter, this is the young man that I ordained you to be with from the foundations of the earth”. That would make my life a whole lot easier because there is some form of structure in the form of heavenly approval and the truth is that God does that for some people; I just happen not to be one of them. You see, one of my greatest fears in life is to be that girl who keeps going back to that guy that she knows doesn’t love her and wants to use her. But she keeps going back because she can’t help herself. That girl scared me because she no longer cared about who she was; her whole being was consumed with the love she had for that guy. I thought that the one way I could avoid all that was by letting God introduce me to my spouse and I would know I was safe to love that person.
The thing is that God has not given us a spirit of fear and often times, the best way to overcome the fear of something is to face it. And so in this season of my life, I am opening myself up to new possibilities, to the prospect of dating someone who God has not categorically told me is my husband. That doesn’t mean I’m closing my eyes to who the person is; if anything I’m more watchful and observant. It means that I have to lean more on God each and every day for each and every aspect of the relationship with the guy as it develops. In a weird way, it means it draws me closer to God. At some point, God could tell me that this person I’ve been dating is not meant for me and although that scares me, I have to trust that God has a grand plan for my life and more so because He has never failed me. I’m learning a new kind of trust in God……trusting Him with an area of my life where I am relatively untried and trusting Him to teach me how to do it the right way. It’s one thing to know something in theory and it’s a different thing to know it in practice.
I was getting ready to go out of my hotel room to a Chinese market today and a song by Leona Lewis came up on my iPod. The song is titled “happy”. Now I’ve listened to that song many times but today, my eyes were opened to the lyrics in a completely new way. The song goes like this:
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose, you can’t have everything
And don’t you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain, cos love won’t set you free
Well I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy and safe as could be
So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in font of me
I’m just trying to be happy.
And so in this new season, I’m learning to take a chance and take the plunge……but with wisdom please. To anyone who’s going through this same season in their life, Things may be coming to you in a manner you didn’t expect but you need to be open to the fact that God’s plans might be very different from your own (especially when you were not too keen when those things came in the manner you were expecting). God knows us better than we know ourselves and although He may not tell us the end of a situation from its beginning, we can trust him to lead and guide us every step of the way.